


I Don't Want You To Get It On (With Nobody Else But Me)

by lizards



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments
Genre: Jealous!Raphael, M/M, Saphael, ans then a scene of them after sex, happy ending cos ima weanie, i affectionately named the black hole "saphael", im not sure if this could be categorized as mature but theres only mentions of sex, pretend with me for a second they sleep in coffins just pretend, simon makes a lot of pop culture references, so i think its chill, theres a black hole where my life used to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 04:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6456421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizards/pseuds/lizards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon and Raphael drunk hook up, Raphael is a ass about it because he's an emotionally constipated adult. Simon is eternally frustrated and sucks at  not-thinking about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want You To Get It On (With Nobody Else But Me)

**Author's Note:**

> i have a tumblr: geckette. im always open for saphael prompts and open to talk abt these gays if u wanna join me in gay vampire hell.

Simon wakes up in a tight closed in space, and the first thing he does is gasp for air. 

Which, okay, yeah, thats a little unnecessary. He _knows_ it’s unnecessary. He was alive for a hell of a lot longer then he was dead though, and old habits die hard. Along with Simon. Who is now _super_ dead, which means that the panic gasps for air he was heaving in was really dumb. It also meant that the tight closed in space was his humble abode and he wasn’t in the back of some serial killers trunk. Simon rubbed his eyes, slowing down his breaths till he stopped breathing all together. Damn. That was still weird as hell. 

“Oh Dios mío, detener eso.” Another voice groaned from beside him, and oh, _thats_ why the coffin felt so small. Someone else was in here with him. Someone Spanish. Someone Spanish with a decidedly familiar voice and distinctly _male._

Simon turned on his side and, woah nelly, he was naked. How did he not realize he was naked? Better question: how did he not realize he was sharing a freakin’ _coffin?_ They weren’t exactly super roomie to begin with. He felt out, searching until his hand met lean muscle that was also, Woah Nelly x2, super naked. Simon groaned, rubbing his eyes until he saw white spots. He slept with someone. Which was a miracle in its own right, but the fact he slept with someone who was both male, Spanish, and was packed tight with muscle meant he slept with someone who was surprisingly hot. The fact they were in a coffin meant it was a vampire. Simon couldn’t see himself bringing a human back to Dumort, and even if he did they’d have to be seriously messed up to wanna have sex in a coffin. 

Oh god, what if they _were_ human? What if Simon had brought back someone with a fetish for dead people? 

“Uh,” Simon started off with a weak, timid voice. For the first time in his life he _really_ hoped it wasn’t a human next to him. “Hey.”

The body next to him shifted around, visibly just getting their bearings their self. “Que-?” They tried sitting up and only succeeded in banging their head off the coffin lid. The explosion of curse’s in Spanish that followed after would have stopped Simons heart if it was still beating. 

“Oh my g-” Simon choked on the word, burning its way up through his throat. He swallowed thickly and tried again. “ _Raphael_?”

Silence fell heavily in the coffin. Simon felt Raphael sit up slowly this time, pushing the lid up and sitting up when he had the space allotted. His hair was a freaking _disaster,_ matted down in some places and sticking straight up in others. He didn’t look at Simon, just stood and got out calmly like he wasn’t bare ass naked. 

“Uh, Raphael, What-” Memories came flooding back at seeing Raphael bend down to pick up his pants. Pandemonium, Magnus having a party, Simon going because Clary wanted him too, drink after drink after drink. Raphael had showed up sometime after Simon but seemed to be no better off then he was by the end of the night. Simon spilling a drink on Raphael’s jacket. Offering to take it off for him, and then- “Oh.” Simon says gruffly. “Oh.” 

Raphael was now standing fully dressed. He looked down at Simon and opened his mouth like he was about to talk, but shut it with a heavy sigh. He shifted back and forth on his feet and for a second Simon was struck by how completely and utterly _normal_ he looked. Fresh-fucked hair, rumpled clothes, barefoot on the wood floor. “We aren’t going to talk about this.” He said simply, and then _poof,_ ran off without a trace. 

Simon hadn’t been thinking about it. 

He hadn’t been thinking about how Raphael’s eyes looked when he pushed Simon down and straddled him. He hadn’t been thinking about how Raphael’s voice got deep and gravelly when he was turned on, or how he started to stumble over english and made Spanish sound pretty even if he was just cursing in it. He wasn’t thinking about how Raphael smiled a small little quirk of the mouth afterwards when Simon asked him if he had ever read Daredevil comics before. He wasn’t thinking about the fondness in Raphael’s voice when he said, _“Shut up and go to sleep.”_ Matter of fact, he was doing a really good job at not-thinking about it. 

Raphael didn’t seem to care, nor notice, how good Simon was doing at not-talking about it. 

It’s not that Rapael was _avoiding_ Simon per se, it’s just that he was totally avoiding Simon and it was killing him. If Simon walked in a room, he walked out. If Simon talked, he looked the other direction. If Simon tried to corner him he had one of his little vampire friends distract Simon. It wasn’t _fair._ It’s not like Simon was gonna jump aboard the love train and ride it all around Raphael city, its just that it would be nice to he able to at least look at the guy without feeling dirty. That’s all. Simon had no feelings, whatsoever. Did he mention how good he is at not-thinking about or talking about Raphael? He was super good at it.

“Raphael is busy.” Says the big bad Vampire dude that was ~~hiding~~ _guarding_ Raphael. He sat outside the door to his lounge, crossing his arms and frowning in a way that didn’t particularly scream friendly. 

“Yeah, I freaking _know._ He’s been busy every time I came to ask if I could talk to him.” Simon crossed his arms and squared his jaw. “What the hell could he be so busy with, huh? Taxes? Catching up on all of TOS?”

The vampire gave him a cold, uninterested look. “He. Is. Busy.”

“Right.” Simon sighed. “Well, when he’s not-busy, can you tell him to come talk to me?” 

The raised eyebrow he got in response didn’t seem optimistic.

“Trouble in paradise?” A girl with long, blonde hair calls over to him with a big grin. “Boss got sick of his baby?”

Simon sputtered, spit flying everywhere in probably the most unattractive show of character he’s ever displayed before. And he wore a leotard and leg warmers for his sister once. “I’m-I-I’m not his,” Simon was currently doing a really bad job of not-thinking about that night. “I’m not his, that.” 

She rolls her eyes and watched with heavy lids as Simon walked over to her where she sat on a chair with blood in a water bottle. “Chill, fledgling. You’re the baby right now. Youngest of the clan and all.” 

Simon squinted at her, a frown setting in place. She didn’t look over 20. “Really? How old are-”

“Ah ah, baby, Its rude to ask a girl her age.” She shook her head and took a sip of her drink. Food? Simon didn’t know the right word to use just yet. “Emily.” 

“Oh, uh, I’m Simon-” 

“Trust me, I know who you are.”

“Oh.” Simon frowned. “Wow, no offense, but thats weird. Like, Captain-America-Working-For-Hydra weird. ” 

Emily raised her blonde eyebrow. “What’s weird? Me knowing who you are? You’re something of a celebrity around here, Simon. Thanks to you, Raphael is now our fearless leader and commander.” She smiled and revealed perfectly straight pearly whites. It only just now hit Simon that she was kind of beautiful. And by kind of beautiful, he means completely gorgeous. “Way I see it I owe you a drink.” 

Simon thought of the last time he drank, making him think of The Night (Simon has now decided that it needed capitals, even if it was only in his head.). Which made him think of Raphael, which made him fail again at not-thinking about it. Damn, that was getting hard lately. Wait, no. Wrong word choice. “Trust me, I shouldn’t drink.” 

The door to the lounge opened behind Simon, and he whirred around excitedly to see Raphael having a sseious talk with his guard. Probably something along the lines of _Blah Blah, Lay your life on the line before you let Simon near me, blah blah._ He geared up to walk right up to Raphael and ask him what the hell his _problem_ was, but the words died in his throat when Emily called out to him. 

“Raphael! Get over here and make baby come have a drink with me.” Emily delicately placed her blood on the table next to her and leaned forward on her knees to bat her eyelashes up at Simon. “You could join too, threes a party.” The wink she sent his way was the most ridiculously flirtatious thing Simon had seen all week. It was devastatingly adorable. 

Raphael, on the other hand, did _not_ find it adorable. His face hardened over and he walked right over and crouched down to Emily’s level. He all but ignored Simons existence. “You want to take _my_ fledgling out for a drink?” 

Emily’s smile faltered. “I-I thought he was Camille’s-”

“You. Thought. Wrong.” Raphael pointed over to Simon, never taking his eyes away from Emily’s. “He? Is mine. Don’t look at him, don’t talk to him, don’t _think_ about him.” 

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Simon interjected, a scowl growing on his face. “You won’t even _talk_ to me.”

Raphael looked up at Simon with an accusing look like this was somehow all _his_ fault. “You, go to my lounge.” He turned back to Emily. “You heard me, right? Now spread the word. Simon is mine.” 

Emily nodded, he blonde curls bouncing with the vigorous shake as she stood. She grabbed her bottle of blood and shuffled off as quick as she could, leaving Raphael and Simon completely alone. 

“I am _not_ your property-”

“Simon.”

“I mean, you can’t just refuse to talk to someone and avoid them like the freaking black plauge-”

“Simon.”

“-And try to go all Jedi Mind Tricks and convince a poor girl who, by the way, I was _very_ attracted to-” 

_“Simon.”_

“-That we have some kind of backwards Vampire owning thing going on, which would be super hard since _you won’t talk to me-_ ”

Then, there was soft full lips on his. It was chaste and couldn’t have lasted for more then three seconds, but when he pulled back Simon felt like a completely different person. “Simon.” Raphael repeated, “Shut up.” 

“Yeah,” Simon said because apparently his brain short circuited and made him forget all the things he wanted to say. “Okay.”

Later, tangled in bed sheets and laying next to each other for a minute of quiet, Simon asked Raphael why he avoided him. 

Raphael shifted uncomfortably, mumbling something about how beds were uncomfortable and coffins were obviously better before saying, “You make me want to do a lot of stupid things. A lot of stupid, mundane things. Like get jealous. Or get drunk. Or let you spill a drink on my coat.” He shifted to face Simon. “It’s…different. I’m not used to different.” 

They laid in silence for a half of a socend before Simon frowned. “Wait, you _let_ me spill the drink on your jacket?”

Seeing a vampire thats hundreds of years old that just fucked you into a mattress smile coyly and roll their eyes is definitely a weird experience. Kissing the smile off their face was weirder. Forgetting, for a moment, who you were because you couldn’t think past the electric current pulsing through your body when you touch someone is probably the most weird. 

Simon thinks he could get used to this weird.


End file.
